I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
