I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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