and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
