If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
