I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
