She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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