oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
