Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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