I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
