Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drake has all the answers
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
