I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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