No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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