guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
