Me too!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
