my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize