I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
