i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
