I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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