Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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