As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
