He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
