Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
