She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize