Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
