My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So much rum. So many feels.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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