too bad you live with your parents still
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
