Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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