y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's great music for shaving your balls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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