Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
