I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
