And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
