A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not ubering you a puppy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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