I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
