I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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