I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
