WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
