apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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