I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
