i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
smell my finger.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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