I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
