You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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