Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
