There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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