He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize