Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
