six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
