Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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