I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
