Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize