Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
