you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
