She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
