Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize