you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
