Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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