i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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