What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
