Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
should my penis look like a turkey
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
