I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
