Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
