You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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