i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize