the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
