I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Randomize
