were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
