Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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