i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
