I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
