i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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