When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize