He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
