i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
