oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
