Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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