Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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