I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
