Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
