I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
