spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
