nut hugger
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
