He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
