what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
