if you like me you must not know who I am
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize