I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
