You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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