I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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