Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I have post one night stand depression
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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