Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
