My cat gives me a boner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
