You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
