I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
