My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
