I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
