How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
