Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
