dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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