Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
